Car Humor

Honda - Had One Never Did Again

Kia - Killed In Assembly

Saab - Sad Attemр At Beauty

Hyundai - Hoрe You Understand Nothing`s Driveable And Inexрensive

Ford - Fix Or Reрair Daily.

Fiat - Failure in Italian Automotive Technology.

BMW - Born Moderatly Wealthy. (Be My Wife)

Audi - Accelerates Under Demonic Influence.

Acura - Asia`s Curse Uрon Rural America

If you want your name to get in news paper headlines - read the newspaper while street crossing Mombasa Rd or even better try Thika Rd...

2011 cars to watch.

2011 - Best Cars

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Honda Odyssey

Honda’s latest Odyssey is the best vehicle of its kind. Loads of space make seating, for seven, comfortable and relaxed, while the smooth 132 kW  engine is matched up to a very taut handling package - making the sleek looking Honda Odyssey an inspiring drive.

Putting the newest Honda Odyssey to a task is easy. The five-speed, grade logic transmission instantly links optimum engine power to the required job at hand, ensuring that the driver feels satisfied with the level of performance - whether it be in and around town or out on the open road.

 If you are after a swift and capable people mover, the 2010 Honda Odyssey is unmatched. Balanced handling, accurate steering strong brakes and a sharp engine give the Odyssey the nod.

       

There’s plenty of luxury onboard: Climate control (tri-zone climate control in the luxury Odyssey model), cruise control, cup and bottle holders, an onboard trip computer, powered windows, a comprehensive active and passive safety package and superbly comfortable seats. 

Sleek Odyssey body styling is made even racier with Aero side skirts and bumpers.

As can be expected in a family car, the Honda Odyssey has an excellent range of safety features. Front and side airbags are provided for the front seats in both versions, and the Honda Odyssey Luxury also has curtain airbags for all three rows. The seatbelts in the front seat are pretensioned, while all the rest are three-pointers. Side impact protection and Honda's unique G-CON and progressive crumple zones complete the safety package.
Why join the White Van Brigade when you can drive in comfort and style with the Honda Odyssey?

Current model series include:

• Honda Odyssey 2.4
• Honda Odyssey 2.4 Luxury

For any more information on the Honda Odyssey, or for that matter any other new car, contact me

5 Things Every Driver Should Know

Here are five skills, that every driver should have. Some are maintenance related, others are driving related. Some you’ll use all the time, others you’ll use once in a lifetime. The common theme? All are really good skills to learn.

1. Check Your Tire Pressure - Always check your tire pressure cold and inflate to the pressure recommended in your owners manual (or on your door sticker). Inflation pressure will vary with vehicle load, so be sure to pay attention to this. Even if you have tire pressure sensors on your car (and you do if it was built after 2006), check your tires at least once per month.

2. Check Your Oil, Coolant, and Transmission Fluids -

   Always check your owner’s manual to make sure you know where the oil dipstick, transmission dipstick (automatic transmissions only) and coolant reservoir are located. Do not, under any circumstances, mix up your oil and transmission dipsticks or your coolant and windshield washer reservoirs. Bad, bad things will happen if you do.

3. Change a Headlight Bulb (non HID headlights) -

   Halogen headlights generally last a long, long time, so you won’t be doing this often. First, make sure you have the correct wattage replacement bulb. Next, open the hood and find the back of the bad headlight. Take off the rubber boot, disconnect the electrical connection (generally by squeezing the sides or top and pulling the connector off) and remove the existing bulb and mount (generally by turing counter clockwise until the mount comes loose). Pull out the old bulb and discard. Keep the new bulb in its plastic sleeve (to avoid getting fingerprints on it, which will shorten bulb life) and press it into the mount. Reinstall the mount, reattach the electrical connector, put the rubber boot back in place and you’re done.

4. Change a Tire - It never ceases to amaze me how few drivers actually know how to change a tire. It’s a basic skill, and one you can practice at home in about 15 minutes. First, RTFM; know where your jack, lug wrench and spare tire are located. Next, make sure your car is in “Park” with the handbrake firmly engaged. If you drive a manual, put the transmission in first or reverse, then make sure your handbrake is fully engaged. Put something underneath the wheel diagonally away from the one you’re changing to block it; a rock or piece of wood will do fine.

5. Jump Start a Car With a Dead Battery -

   Sooner or later, you’re going to have a dead battery. Sure, you can carry around one of those portable jump starters, but who’s got room in their car of one? Not me. It’s better to learn the good, old fashioned skill of jump-starting a car.

   Make sure the dead battery isn’t frozen, cracked or visibly damaged before you attempt this. Battery explosions aren’t cool, especially if you’re anywhere near one.

   Since you already have a car with a dead battery, you’ll need one with a good battery. Pull the two as close together as possible, battery to battery. Be aware that not all cars have the battery under the hood, so make sure you know where both batteries are located. Next, get out the jumper cables. Make sure that both cars are turned off and in park, with the handbrakes on. Connect the red jumper clip to the positive terminal of the dead battery. Connect the other red jumper clip to the positive terminal of the good battery. Next, connect the black jumper clip to the negative terminal of the good battery; finally, connect the other black jumper clip to a ground on the vehicle with the dead battery. This can be nearly any exposed metal on the engine.

   I’m old school, so I like to start the good vehicle before I try to start the one with the dead battery. Once the good car is running, try to start the one with the dead battery. Nine times out of ten the car will start right up. If it doesn’t start in the first thirty seconds, it’s probably not going to – time to call a tow truck.

Have a nice Ride.

 

How to Avoid Buying a Stolen Vehicle

A primary school teacher in Gucha District invested his savings to buy a new car, which he intended to use as a taxi, his colleagues were green with envy. It was a promising business that had brought him good money to supplement his income. So when he was recently asked by three men to take them to a town 20 kilometres away, he was happy for the business. He was to ferry his customers from Mogonga to Etago Market. Then he went missing for days and family members could not reach him on phone.

Days later, his mutilated body was found in a sugarcane plantation in Rongo District. A search for the missing car led to the arrest of a pastor who had unknowingly bought the deceased’s vehicle. The vehicle registration number and chassis number had been changed. The prime suspect was later arrested in a Mombasa nightclub and charged in court with the offence. However, his accomplices are still at large.

Avoid Buying a Stolen Vehicle

Not all stolen vehicles are stolen and stripped for parts. Many are resold to unknowing and unsuspecting buyers. There is little motorists can do to prevent vehicle theft. So buyers BEWARE when buying your used car. Here are some tips to help but always digg for more.

• Number one always be suspicious of any deal that seems "too good to be true."
• When buying from an individual, make sure the registration matches the name and address of the person selling the car.
• Be cautious of a seller with no fixed address, place of employment or phone number.
• Ask the seller for references about past financing, vehicle service history and insurance on the vehicle. Verify the information with the bank, finance company, garage or agents involved.
• Ensure the vehicle identification number on the automobile is present, secure and unaltered.
• Check and ensure the number plate is genuine and not a duplicate of another vehicle of the same make.
• If in doubt about plate authenticity, check with KRA, or contact a law enforcement agency.

If you ever had your car stolen you are familiar with that sickening sense of realization that its gone. Share you experince with us and help us not fall into the same trap.

Mercedes Benz CL600

If you were to ask me for one word to discribe the awesome Mercedes-Benz CL600, I would have to say that it would be the word WOW! The Mercedes-Benz CL600 is one vehicle that comes with all the bells and whistles. From the multifunction steering wheel that provides easy access to the audio, voice control and phone functions, as well as the multifunction display, to the steering wheel mounted shift buttons - the CL600 is one very well thought out design.  Distronic Plus Cruise Control is standard, as is the 4-way tilt and telescoping power steering column that is linked to the 14-way power seats - which, by the way, have 3 memory settings and are heated with massage.

On the dash, there is a cockpit management and data centre which is known as COMAND. This system uses an 8" colour LCD screen and controls the communications, instruments, lights and audio systems, all hands-free.  Superb, really!  The dynamic safety features are abundant, and the Active Body Control and Reversing Camera are a couple of mouth-watering samples of the latest technology on offer.  The passive safety features are great in number; Amongst these perhaps the most important to note are the Airbags with dual-stage trigger sensors and sidebags front and back – plus windowbags.

The Mercedes-Benz CL600 is an impressive vehicle, one that will provide the owner with the utmost in performance, luxury and comfort. The style speaks for itself.
Current model series include:

• Mercedes Benz CL600 Coupe 5.5

For any more information on the Mercedes Benz CL600, or for that matter any other car, Talk to me 

The new 2011 Toyota Sienna SE

Intent on revamping its image as well as its relative position in the minivan segment, Toyota gave its 2011 Sienna a major makeover for the new season. While the entire lineup benefited from this comprehensive reengineering effort, one version in particular, the 2011 Toyota Sienna SE, came in for its own distinctive attitude adjustment.

 

With this Toyota actually managed to make good on the execution front.

To help move its perception needle deeper into the cool zone, Toyota gave this trick Sienna an assortment of unique body bits including edgier front and rear fascias, more sculpted side sills, acolor-keyed front/rear underbody spoilers. A blackout mesh grille insert with a smoked-chrome surround for it as well as the projector-beam headlamps team with smoked LED taillamps add an extra touch of curbside cred. To complete the look, SE-specific 19-inch Super Chrome alloy wheels replace the 17-/18-inch alternatives used on its kin and get wrapped in even lower-aspect-ratio 235/50 all-season tires. Adding a final functional as well as visual flourish, the sport-spec springs used in the Sienna SE's tauter suspension further contribute to its semi-slammed appearance by marginally lowering the ride height.